Monday musing: A parent's nightmare

Which would be harder to hear: "Mom, Dad . . . I'm pregnant" or "Mom, Dad . . . years ago I had an abortion because I was afraid to tell you I was pregnant"?

It's not a hypothetical exercise. Given the numbers of teen pregnancies and abortions in this country, for many families it's all too real . . . like the family to which the Garden of Hope recently introduced us.

A young woman called their hotline last week, seeking information about abortion. She thought she'd "quickly and secretly" terminate her pregnancy while on a visit to Grand Rapids. As a college student, having a child would complicate her life, but her greatest challenge would be telling her parents.

We talked for a long time and this dear, sweet girl had no clue about the devastation brought on by the decision to end the life of her child. I assured her that her parents would know something had happened because the sparky, happy young girl that left their house to come to GR would never be back and they would want to know what was happening to their daughter.

As she hung up the phone, she promised to talk to her parents, and the next day she called back to report. Her mom "felt badly" she'd been afraid to talk to them. They support her plan to continue the pregnancy and assure her they'll work out everything together.

Not all parents are this understanding -- some overtly pressure reluctant daughters to get abortions -- but most are mature adults who know how to handle disappointments and setbacks. Parents love their children, have sacrificed much on their behalf already, and genuinely want what's best for them. Young people need encouragement to enlist parental input and not act on mistaken assumptions their parents will "kill" them when they receive bad news.

Still, as Russell Moore cautions in his response to TIME magazine's cover story on how the pro-life side seems to be winning, "It’s easy to identify as 'pro-life' when one sees nothing really at stake." He goes on:

A feminist leader once said that most Americans are pro-life with three exceptions: rape, incest, and “my situation.” When the teenage daughter is pregnant, the theory is abandoned and bloodthirsty pragmatism rules. I fear this feminist is all too right.

Pharaoh was pro-immigrant until the Israelites threatened what he wanted. The first Herod Administration was pro-Messiah until the actual Messiah threatened his throne. The second Herod Administration was fine with desert prophets until one meddled with his “adult entertainment.” Lots of people are pro-life and pro-child until the lives of children become personally inconvenient.

. . . [W]e must have a realistic view about how ingrained the abortion-rights worldview is in our culture.

Yes, in our culture, and in our hearts. As with other temptations, it's well before we face this one that we need to determine what our response will be. If we expect our teens to do the right thing when their backs are to the wall, we also must be firm in our minds how we'll react when they make a mistake.

Most Christian parents are zealous about getting the message of sexual purity across to their teens. The trick is striking a balance between that and the equally biblical message of the sanctity of human life. So that his daughter wouldn't err into thinking abortion was better than coming home pregnant, our president Tom Lothamer repeatedly told her, "If you make a big mistake, like getting pregnant outside marriage, don't run to the world for help. Come home! It's safer. Whatever it is, we'll handle it together."

Truly, grace is greater than all our sin. The challenge is to be "cross-bearing for the child-bearing," as John Ensor writes. "To be a lifesaver, you must do what lifesavers do every day" in pregnancy care centers. In closing, I summarize his points:

1. You must listen and love
2. Lower her fear and increase her hope
3. Amplify the voice of her own moral conscience
4. Inform and educate her
5. Offer your personal help

Related: 

• The Messages We Send Can Prevent Abortion
• In her blog, Growing Up Ziglar, the daughter of the "most positive man on earth" reveals how she made the "devastating choice" not once or twice, but three times. 
• Abortion: A Failure to Communicate
• Abortion: The Least of Three Evils
• Losing Ever Since Roe? — Albert Mohler on the TIME article

Working Wednesday: Research

Coming back from a vacation that spanned the holidays, I had quite a bit of email to absorb. I thought I'd share with you a few news stories that surfaced while I was away. They reflect the kinds of things that I collect and later write about in this space.

• Fire Marshall Closes Abortion Clinic Someone broke into Women's Medical Services of Muskegon on or around Christmas day. When police responded, they found conditions so deplorable -- and unrelated to the break-in -- that they called in building inspectors and the fire marshall, who deemed the facility unsafe for occupation and shut it down. Operation Rescue notes they have additional information about "serious violations" at the clinic, but are keeping mum for now. Apparently, someone who formerly worked in the clinic has provided evidence. Citizens for a Pro-Life Society has been keeping its eye on the clinic's doctor, Robert L. Alexander, MD, for many years; they report he has a "troubled and checkered medical career." You can take part in a poll that asks whether this clinic should reopen or not. UPDATE from Operation Rescue listing some of the abuses. TV station reports that clinic will not reopen.

• The Bioarchaeology Of Care. Don't be turned off by the academic-sounding title. It's a fascinating story about the discovery of the remains of a severely disabled pre-historic man in Vietnam. What's so interesting about that? The evidence shows he "survived from early adolescence into adulthood completely paralyzed from the waist down and with very limited use of his upper body." He had to have been "[d]ependent on others for meeting his most basic needs . . . only possible because of the high-quality, dedicated, and time-consuming care he received." That's a revelation to archaeologists, and perhaps a challenge to evolutionists since it belies "survival of the fittest." The author of the article notes that, "Looking after those who are unable to look after themselves is a behavior that defines what it is to be human." Here's a New York Times digest version of the article: Ancient bones that tell a story of compassion. 

Maddalena Douse with her
mum and dad.

• Scissors save premature baby's life. In the UK, babies born weighing less than a pound are not considered viable and are left to die. Little Maddalena Douse's life was spared, however, because someone left a pair of scissors on the scale during her weigh-in, causing it to tilt in her favor. She's home now, after being on a ventilator for six months, and is expected to be perfectly healthy.

• Finally, this also from the UK: A 'dad' is tenth most popular Christmas list request for children. That despite the idea that any kind of family will do. According to The Christian Institute, only 14% of children in the UK are born into families where dad is married to mum. One-third of American children (15 million) are being raised without a father (compared to nearly five million who live without a mother).

Postscript: Assisted Suicide’s Dangerous Illusion of Control. It never fails. I hit 'publish' and then something new comes along that prompts me to add to my post. I'd read this article about elder abuse earlier in the day, then received a related email from a concerned individual. She wrote to tell me about the group National Association to Stop Guardianship Abuse. If you know someone who's vulnerable to this type of abuse, pay attention!

I guess if this post is about anything, it's taking care of life. If even "neolithic" societies could do it, so can we!

Tuesday prayer: For our nation

Pray and vote. Will you vote the values that stand the test of fire? Even if those values are ridiculed?

Church blesses with gifts in honor of babies

Opening the mail this morning we were pleasantly surprised by a note from the of First Baptist Church in Sherman, NY. And saddened. Pastor Paul Sears wrote:

It is with joy and sorrow we send this gift to the ministry. Annually we have sent a gift to you to celebrate the births in our church family. We anticipated having two little ones this September, but in August little Jacob VanValkenburg went to heaven from his mommy's womb. This was a great disappointment to all of us, but God's grace carried his parents and us through.

Last evening Levi Hudson Crouch arrived into this world. It is the first baby for these excited parents and our church family is excited for a new little life as well. 

This gift is a memorial and a celebration gift of life and love from the First Baptists Church of Sherman family.

What a blessing to be remembered by this church on such occasions! Our hearts go out to Jacob's family. We trust God's grace will carry them through. And congratulations to Levi's mom and dad; may he know Christ's love at an early age.

Premarital Sex Detrimental to Relationships

Study: Premarital Sex Detrimental to Relationships - Negatively Impacts Intimacy, Commitment, Sexual Satisfaction: Researchers at Cornell University have stated that abstaining from sex at the beginning of a courtship could lead to a healthier relationship. The research also suggested that having sex early on could stunt the growth of key factors from developing within a healthy relationship including "caring and understanding." The study, printed in the Journal of Marriage and Family, revealed that women who put having sex off for over six months were more satisfied with their relationships than those women who waited less time.

"Precocious premarital sexual activities may have lasting effects on relationship quality," researchers said. "Courtship is a time for exploration and decision-making about the relationship, when partners assess compatibility, make commitments and build on emotional and physical intimacy."

The Great American Worldview Exercise — The 2012 Election

Albert Mohler: Years ago, Governor George Wallace of Alabama once remarked with disdain that there is not “a dime’s worth of difference” between the Democrats and the Republicans. In a sense, he was at least partly right. A look back at the platforms of the two parties in the 1950s and 1960s reveals little division over many of the issues that now frame our national debate. . . .

Fast forward to 2012 and the distance between the two parties is breathtaking. The nation’s political polarization is clearly evident in the radical distinctions between the Republican and Democratic platforms. but this polarization is not merely political. It is fundamentally moral and ideological. These two platforms present two contradictory understandings of realities as basic as human life, liberty, and the institution of marriage.

Related: The Role of Genes in Political Behavior

Pat Robertson strikes again

This time, he demeans adoption and special-needs kids:

Read Russell Moore's response: Pat Robertson vs. the Spirit of Adoption --

[I]f you want to see the gospel of Christ, the gospel that has energized this church for two thousand years, turn off the television. The grinning cartoon characters who claim to speak for Christ don’t speak for him. Find the followers who do what Jesus did. Find the people who risk their lives to carry a beaten stranger to safety. Find the houses opened to unwed mothers and their babies in crisis. Find the men who are man enough to be a father to troubled children of multiple ethnicity and backgrounds.

And find a Sunday School class filled with children with Down Syndrome and cerebral palsy and fetal alcohol syndrome. Find a place where no one considers them “weird” or “defective,” but where they joyfully sing, “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.”

Someone, please tell Mr. Robertson to step aside. 

Love is the Antidote to Prenatal Eugenic Cleansing

Love is the Antidote to Prenatal Eugenic Cleansing | First Things: Unconditional love cuts against the current cultural zeitgeist of our times. Consider: About 90 percent of fetuses testing for genetic conditions such as Down and dwarfism are terminated to the moral support, if not outright cheering, of much of society. It may seem harsh to say, but it is true nonetheless: We are in the midst of a great eugenic cleansing in which diagnosed imperfection often favors abortion.

There may even be overt pressure on parents to terminate from friends, family, and the medical community. The anti “defectives” message is vividly clear. . . .

A cultural expectation is forming in which people believe they not only have a fundamental right to have a baby, but the concomitant right to have the baby they want—and by any technological means necessary. . . .

We claim to extol diversity and tolerance more than at any other time in human history—as we unleash a merciless reproductive pogrom to eradicate imperfection from the human condition.

That’s a crying shame. If I were to pick one human attribute to extol above all others, it wouldn’t be high intelligence, good looks, or athletic prowess—the usual targets for human improvement. Rather, I believe the most crucial human attribute is our capacity to love.

Editor: This is so good. I wish I'd written it.

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Margaret Sanger: Named One of the 20 Most Influential Americans of All Time

Margaret Sanger | The 20 Most Influential Americans of All Time | NewsFeed | TIME.com: Time magazine recently named Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, one of the 20 most influential Americans of all time. Gloria Steinem's tribute reads: "Her brave and joyous life included fulfilling work, three children, two husbands, many lovers and a large network of friends and colleagues. Indeed, she lived as if she and everyone else had the right to control her or his own life. By word and deed, she pioneered the most radical, humane and transforming political movement of the 20th and 21st centuries."

Editor: Radical, yes. Humane, not so much.

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A federal court ruled against the contraceptive mandate

A federal court ruled against the contraceptive mandate. Here’s what happens next.: The U.S. District Court for Colorado on Friday blocked the Obama administration from requiring an air-conditioning company in Colorado to provide no co-pay contraceptives to its employees, as the Affordable Care Act directs. It was, as Sam Baker points out, the first time a federal court has ruled against that provision of the health-care law.

It’s not yet, however, exactly a victory for the contraceptive mandate’s opponents: The injunction is specific to that one company, and it holds only until the judge can reach a verdict on the case’s merits. Still, it could mark the start of a long period of litigation involving one of the health-care law’s most polarizing provisions.

Related: OBAMACARE HHS ABORTION PILL MANDATE DEALT SERIOUS BLOW; VICTORY FOR PEOPLE OF FAITH

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Journalist says we should stop "Disneyfying" Down syndrome

Daily Mail: 41-year-old Samantha Brick is desperate for a child and has undergone at least one cycle of IVF. But if she were to become pregnant, and if that child were found to have Down syndrome, she would have an abortion. Here's her reasoning:

'My first attempt at IVF failed and my husband I have discussed in depth and at length whether we could keep a baby diagnosed with Down's Syndrome.

'I live in France,I know that people there don't have the same support, I would have to send my baby to a centre on Monday morning and then welcome them back on Friday night.

'I already have a large family including ageing in laws with their own problems and so it's not just myself that I have to think about it is everyone else in the family and what the impact would be on them.'

'I actually think it would be selfish to HAVE that baby because of the impact on the local health services, the cost of raising that child and the support it would need.'

'My family and I have between us worked with hundreds of people with Downs Syndrome. Let's stop 'Disneyfying' this genetic condition and ensure families, and potential parents, can debate and discuss and have the full unbiased facts of exactly what they're getting into.'

Editor: Could she have said anything more offensive? And I'd like to know how Down syndrome has been "Disneyfied." 

Sir Elton: ‘heartbreaking’ my son has no mummy

Sir Elton: ‘heartbreaking’ my son has no mummy | News | The Christian Institute: In an interview with an American TV show, Sir Elton said: “I’d love to have more children. I want [Zachary] to have a brother or a sister to go to school with him, and so that he can have someone to play with. It’s going to be heartbreaking for him to grow up and realize he hasn’t got a mummy."

Editor: Well, he has a mommy, but she's not in his life.

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IVF pregnancies terminated because of Down's syndrome

IVF pregnancies terminated because of Down's syndrome - Telegraph: Figures reportedly show that the genetic disorder was the most commonly given reason for terminating a pregnancy achieved [in the UK] through IVF-type treatment in 2009, the most recent year for which data is available.

Editor: This article is somewhat confusing, because it talks about babies conceived in test tubes (IVF) but tested during pregnancy. There's no mention of preimplantation genetic testing (PGD) which is routinely done with IVF to screen out abnormalities. In other words, defective embryos are discarded (I thought) so none are implanted in a woman's uterus. This story is disheartening, but an abortion prior to implantation is still an abortion. And genetic testing prior to implantation also yields "designer babies."

Related: Disabled children often victimized more

Author of controversial study on gay parenting being investigated by university

Author of controversial ‘gold standard’ study on gay parenting being investigated by university | LifeSiteNews.com: The University of Texas has launched a “scientific misconduct” investigation of UT sociologist Mark Regnerus, after he was accused by homosexual activists of “scientific misconduct” in his recent study. Regnerus’ study, published in the July issue of Social Science Research, found that children of homosexual parents have significantly more social and mental-health problems than children of heterosexual parents. The study raised a tremendous outcry from gay rights activists.

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Struggling with homosexuality is a paradox; embracing homosexuality a contradiction

Michael Horton, CT: [S]in is not just a behavior. Long before they made any choice about what to do with it, people were predisposed toward same-sex attractions. . . . We reject the Pelagian reduction of sin to an action that one can overcome with enough will-power. We are depraved (warped) in every respect: spiritually, morally, intellectually, volitionally, and physically. . . .[W]e can inherit specific sins—or at least tendencies—of our fathers and mothers. Then add to that the ways in which people are sinned against by the attitudes and behaviors of others, especially in childhood. So even before we actually decide to take that first drink, place that first bet, unleash our first punch, or fool around with our best friend, we are already caught up in the tangled web of solidarity in sin. At the same time, we are responsible for our choices, which reinforce or counter the specific sins toward which we are especially disposed.

There is no reason to think that Christians who struggle with these attractions are any less justified and renewed by God's grace in Christ than are those who wrestle especially with greed or anger or gossip. The gospel frees us to confess our sins without fear of condemnation. Looking to Christ alone for our justification and holiness, we can finally declare war on our indwelling sin because we have peace with God.

If there is no biblical basis for greater condemnation, there is also no scriptural basis for greater laxity in God's judgment of this sin. It is as unloving to hold out hope to those who embrace a homosexual lifestyle as it is to assure idolaters, murderers, adulterers, and thieves that they are safe and secure from all alarm. Nor will it do to say, "Well, we're all idolaters, etc."

Disability and the divorce rate

Daniel Vance: "In my first decade involved in disability issues, I repeatedly heard people claim that marriages involving parents of children with disabilities had a divorce rate of more than 75 percent. . . . After reviewing the literature, I found no credible evidence married couples raising children with disabilities experienced that high of a divorce rate. . . . I guess if you speak untruths long enough, people will believe it."

Are gender roles a social construct?

God created man male and female—Adam and Eve—and He made males and females different physically and distinct in their roles. Genesis 2:18 makes Eve’s role clear: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Eve was from the bone and flesh of Adam, meaning she is equal in her standing before God and yet distinct from man (Galatians 3:28). But God gave Adam the authority not only to name the animals but also to name his wife, indicating that she does not share equal authority with her husband. In the Bible’s wording, she is his helper.

If God’s creation of Eve, a female, as a helper and companion for Adam, a male, is not clear enough to defend marriage as being reserved for a man and a woman, Genesis 2:24 clears up any confusion: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

From the very beginning of God’s Word, He makes no allowances for “alternative” lifestyles such as homosexuality, bestiality, polygamy, and so on.

The Oral Contraceptive as Abortifacient: An Analysis of the Evidence

Dennis M. Sullivan, Perspectives on Science and Christian Faith: Pro-life Christian ethicists and medical practitioners have been united in their opposition to abortion, but have sometimes been divided in their ethical approach to hormonal contraception. Even though many Christians believe that birth control may be a moral option, some claim that the “Pill” acts, at least some of the time, as an abortifacient. If true, Christians who hold that human personhood begins at conception would be morally opposed to the use of combined oral contraceptives.

This article examines the scientific evidence for an abortifacient effect of such contraceptive agents, and concludes that such an effect is yet unproven. Some of the ethical arguments are also examined, and the author suggests that further research on early pregnancy factor (EPF) may help to resolve this controversial issue.

For what it's worth, some Natural Family Planning websites:

• Couple to Couple League
• American Pregnancy Association
• Creighton Model Fertility Care System
• Cycle Beads

Important new study on the effects of same-sex marriage

Important new study on the effects of same-sex marriage : Turtle Bay and Beyond – International Law, Policy, and Institutions: Children with a parent in a same-sex relationship “underperform” in almost every category. Some of these differences may be relatively benign — whether one voted in the last presidential election, for example — but most are decidedly not.

Read the study -- How different are the adult children of parents who have same-sex relationships? Findings from the New Family Structures Study
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An Open Letter to Young, “Post-Partisan” Evangelicals

David French blogs: "[M]y nonpartisanship had a steep price. I could be pro-life, but not too pro-life. You see, if you’re too pro-life; if you talk about too much, then you can’t be post-partisan. One political party is completely dedicated to legal protection of abortion on demand. The other political party is completely dedicated to repealing Roe v. Wade. If you talk too much about abortion, others will define you, and if you’re defined how can you be independent?

"'No problem,' my hip inner voice said. Pro-life is really whole life. Anti-poverty programs, environmental advocacy — that’s all ‘pro-life’ in the broad sense, right? Can’t I be pro-life and maintain my independence?But my rational inner voice quickly rebelled. If I’m 'whole life' without talking about unborn children then I’m functionally pro-abortion, but if I’m “whole life” and bring unborn children into that conversation in any meaningful way, then I’m right back where I started. Besides, the effect on life of driving a Prius over a pickup truck can’t be measured with a (metaphorical) electron microscope. But if an abortion clinic shuts down or a young mom is persuaded not to abort, a real live human being is born — a person of incalculable worth. Yes, I want them to grow and flourish in a just society, and yes I want them to have economic opportunity. But it’s tough to enjoy justice and opportunity when you’re dead.

". . . [Then] I discovered something shocking: there aren’t that many of us. (What’s that? Are you telling me that Christians aren’t obsessed with gays and abortion? That’s what all the polls say!) As I traveled around the country and spoke at churches, Tea Party rallies, and conferences, I realized that the number of Christians who truly fight the culture war is quite small. How small? In 2011, I researched the budgets of the leading culture war organizations and compared them to the leading Christian anti-poverty organizations. . . .

"Christians are overwhelmingly focused with their money and their time on the poor, not on culture war issues. Then why are Christians portrayed differently? Because the media is obsessed with the sexual revolution and demonizes dissent. If news outlets focus on Christians only when engaged on culture war issues and ignores the much more extensive work we do for the poor in Africa, in Asia, and at home, then it’s no wonder the wider world sees us as politically-obsessed. Anyone who believes that Christians are in control of their own public image does not understand how public perceptions are created in this country. No one is in total control of their own image and reputation. Not even the President — and shame on me for not realizing that in my days of naive rage."

Related, by Albert Mohler: The Bible condemns a lot, but here's why we focus on homosexuality