Monday musing: A parent's nightmare

Which would be harder to hear: "Mom, Dad . . . I'm pregnant" or "Mom, Dad . . . years ago I had an abortion because I was afraid to tell you I was pregnant"?

It's not a hypothetical exercise. Given the numbers of teen pregnancies and abortions in this country, for many families it's all too real . . . like the family to which the Garden of Hope recently introduced us.

A young woman called their hotline last week, seeking information about abortion. She thought she'd "quickly and secretly" terminate her pregnancy while on a visit to Grand Rapids. As a college student, having a child would complicate her life, but her greatest challenge would be telling her parents.

We talked for a long time and this dear, sweet girl had no clue about the devastation brought on by the decision to end the life of her child. I assured her that her parents would know something had happened because the sparky, happy young girl that left their house to come to GR would never be back and they would want to know what was happening to their daughter.

As she hung up the phone, she promised to talk to her parents, and the next day she called back to report. Her mom "felt badly" she'd been afraid to talk to them. They support her plan to continue the pregnancy and assure her they'll work out everything together.

Not all parents are this understanding -- some overtly pressure reluctant daughters to get abortions -- but most are mature adults who know how to handle disappointments and setbacks. Parents love their children, have sacrificed much on their behalf already, and genuinely want what's best for them. Young people need encouragement to enlist parental input and not act on mistaken assumptions their parents will "kill" them when they receive bad news.

Still, as Russell Moore cautions in his response to TIME magazine's cover story on how the pro-life side seems to be winning, "It’s easy to identify as 'pro-life' when one sees nothing really at stake." He goes on:

A feminist leader once said that most Americans are pro-life with three exceptions: rape, incest, and “my situation.” When the teenage daughter is pregnant, the theory is abandoned and bloodthirsty pragmatism rules. I fear this feminist is all too right.

Pharaoh was pro-immigrant until the Israelites threatened what he wanted. The first Herod Administration was pro-Messiah until the actual Messiah threatened his throne. The second Herod Administration was fine with desert prophets until one meddled with his “adult entertainment.” Lots of people are pro-life and pro-child until the lives of children become personally inconvenient.

. . . [W]e must have a realistic view about how ingrained the abortion-rights worldview is in our culture.

Yes, in our culture, and in our hearts. As with other temptations, it's well before we face this one that we need to determine what our response will be. If we expect our teens to do the right thing when their backs are to the wall, we also must be firm in our minds how we'll react when they make a mistake.

Most Christian parents are zealous about getting the message of sexual purity across to their teens. The trick is striking a balance between that and the equally biblical message of the sanctity of human life. So that his daughter wouldn't err into thinking abortion was better than coming home pregnant, our president Tom Lothamer repeatedly told her, "If you make a big mistake, like getting pregnant outside marriage, don't run to the world for help. Come home! It's safer. Whatever it is, we'll handle it together."

Truly, grace is greater than all our sin. The challenge is to be "cross-bearing for the child-bearing," as John Ensor writes. "To be a lifesaver, you must do what lifesavers do every day" in pregnancy care centers. In closing, I summarize his points:

1. You must listen and love
2. Lower her fear and increase her hope
3. Amplify the voice of her own moral conscience
4. Inform and educate her
5. Offer your personal help

Related: 

• The Messages We Send Can Prevent Abortion
• In her blog, Growing Up Ziglar, the daughter of the "most positive man on earth" reveals how she made the "devastating choice" not once or twice, but three times. 
• Abortion: A Failure to Communicate
• Abortion: The Least of Three Evils
• Losing Ever Since Roe? — Albert Mohler on the TIME article

A Message from a Bachelor Pastor to His Congregation before His Wedding

The Gospel Coalition: Steve DeWitt has been Senior Pastor at Bethel Church in Crown Point, Indiana for 14 years. At the age of 44, Steve just preached his last sermon as a single man. He offers some important advice for single people:

I want to speak frankly to the matter of sexual purity. I have fought the fight for purity since my first real girlfriend in 10th grade. That is 28 years. It’s hard to believe. As an adult single in the Christian dating scene, it is frightening to see how little concern there generally is about sexual purity. Yet God’s Word makes it clear, God’s will is for our sanctification – that we control our bodies with holiness and honor. If you would have told the 18-year-old me I would still be dating in my 40s, I would have thought, “Well, at least the temptations aren’t as strong. You’re old. You probably don’t even think about it.” I actually think in some ways it’s harder as an adult than as a college student.

In spite of all the struggles and challenges, purity is worth it. After 28 years of battling this, let me share a few lessons I have learned.

Evangelicals Struggle to Address Premarital Sex and Abortion

Evangelicals Struggle to Address Premarital Sex and Abortion - The Daily Beast: "It’s no secret that evangelicals have a big problem on their hands when it comes to young people and sex. The facts are staggering: despite almost universal affirmation that premarital sex is a sin, 80 percent of unmarried evangelicals (PDF) are having it, and 30 percent of those who accidentally get pregnant get an abortion, according to one survey. U.S. states where abstinence is emphasized over contraception in school sex ed—almost all in the heavily evangelical South—have teen-pregnancy rates as high as double (PDF) those of states with a comprehensive curriculum. Though an overwhelming majority believe premarital sex is wrong, white evangelicals are sexually active at a younger age than any demographic besides African-Americans, and are one of the least likely groups to use contraception.

"The fact that true love isn’t waiting has concerned evangelicals for years, but the issue is gaining new attention because such a significant number of Christians' unplanned pregnancies end in abortion. The scramble to address the situation is revealing fault lines over the place of contraception in church practices, giving birth control a new centrality in the largely pill-friendly Protestant domain.

". . . [T]he evangelical temperament is much more progressive than conservative. Despite the public’s idea of evangelicals as stubbornly resistant to change, they have always interacted and evolved in close parallel with the American mainstream. It remains highly unlikely that American evangelical culture in its current incarnation will broadly embrace a lifestyle at odds with the prevailing cultural norms. Evangelicals may claim to believe in abstinence and not to believe in evolution, but premarital sex, later marriage, and occasional abortions will be harder to resist than the limited debates taking place among evangelicals seem aware."

Editor: For what it's worth, I'm not so certain the links provided in the first paragraph prove anything. I skimmed the first one (supposedly substantiating the "80 percent of unmarried evangelicals are having it") and didn't find reference to religious beliefs. May have missed it, but be careful quoting this one.

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Young pro-lifers vow to give up something they enjoy Until Abortion Ends

Young pro-lifers vow to give up something they enjoy Until Abortion Ends | LifeSiteNews.com: They care about the dignity of all human life, especially the dignity of unborn children. They . . . can be found in practically every humble town or great metropolis that spreads across the North American continent. And they have united together under a common cause to deny themselves something they like until the day comes when babies in the womb can no longer be legally killed.

Until Abortion Ends is a movement from a new generation of pro-lifers who are aware of the spiritual merit of personal sacrifice in the battle for the lives of the unborn. . . . The pro-lifers in the group say they believe their sacrifice will make a difference in the fight over the greatest humans rights issue in history.

. . . Founder Marion Jones, age 20, noted that the beauty of the Until Abortion Ends movement is how it has united the pro-life movement in “prayer and sacrifice. As a Christian, I believe in the power of prayer.” The group has received the ridicule of abortion proponents in the liberal media.

Editor: I'm touched by the sincerity and willingness to sacrifice of these young people. It is certainly impressive and humbling. I don't want to come off as critical, but I can't find accord with the idea that personal sacrifice accrues "spiritual merit." If foregoing Facebook or one's iPod results in more prayer for abortion to end, well and good. But is it fasting that makes a prayer more righteous?

I would point them to Isaiah 58-59 for the kind of fasting and prayer that holds God's attention. And I would pray for them to uphold and maintain the power of purity in their own lives and before their peers (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8). 

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Anti-Bullying Speaker Curses Christian Teens

Anti-Bullying Speaker Curses Christian Teens | FOX News & Commentary: Todd Starnes: As many as 100 high school students walked out of a national journalism conference after an anti-bullying speaker, Dan Savage, began cursing, attacked the Bible and reportedly name-called those who refused to listen.

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Message to youth pastors

Learn more @ BeMyVote

Millennials aren't amoral, adrift

Millennials aren't amoral, adrift | Statesman Journal | statesmanjournal.com: There's a "dark side" to young adults' moral lives, laments the subtitle of a new book. But before we succumb to resignation or rage, it's good to realize there's a bright side, too. Data and innumerable examples show that today's young adults are a generation marked by impressive social commitment and dedication to using their lives and careers for the greater good.

Related: The Evangelistic Question That Died -- Fewer people thinking about whether they will go to heaven after death

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Teenagers launch campaign to send one million pro-life letters to the White House

LifeSiteNews: 15-year-old Angela Kim and the five other members of the Teenage Life Club are sending letters to the White House and the Supreme Court this month calling for an end to abortion. And they are looking for a few hundred thousand people to join them. The goal of the group’s 2012 Pro-Life Letter Writing Campaign is to flood the White House and the Supreme Court with one million pro-life letters during the month of March.

“We know that abortion is not going to end just because a million letters are sent, but we also know that the letters will represent pro-life people in our nation as well as the million babies aborted every year in the United States alone,” Angela told LifeSiteNews. “We are hoping that it will remind people of the need to elect an actively pro-life president and other governmental officials.”

It’s an ambitious project for a small, newly-formed group of teenage girls, whose involvement in pro-life work has so far been confined to the local level. The six members, who live in five different states, have taken advantage of their geographical distance to get the word out across the country. “Many pastors have been very supportive,” says Angela. “Eight churches support our cause now in six different states, and more are constantly joining the campaign.”

Answering Planned Parenthood's Grand Deception

Answering Planned Parenthood's Grand Deception - Alan Sears - Townhall Conservative Columnists: At Planned Parenthood’s Teenwire.org, the assumption is that young mothers will choose abortion. So, after a little lip service to those who “think [they] might continue the pregnancy,” the tone on the site quickly switches to, “If you’re considering abortion, you should make a decision as soon as possible. Abortion is very safe, but the risks increase the longer a pregnancy goes on.”

In that one sentence, vulnerable, young women, desperate for truth and open to the power of suggestion, are essentially told carrying a live child is risky but “abortion is safe” without any caveats or stipulations.

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Dear kids: sex is good!

Dear kids: sex is good! | LifeSiteNews.com: Between spouses in a sacramental marriage, sex is beautiful and pleases God—and it’s a very good thing. I emphasized to the older children later that conjugal love has the potential to transmit life to create a family. When intercourse is disordered and not what God intended through marriage, society must face a host of consequences, such as unwanted pregnancies, neglected and fatherless children, and worst of all, the murder of unborn babies through abortion.

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Increasingly, Young Americans Are Pro-Life; Marriage Is a Another Story

Increasingly, Young Americans Are Pro-Life; Marriage Is a Another Story | Daily News | NCRegister.com: A 2009 survey by the Gallup organization reported that “younger Americans have typically been much more supportive of same-sex ‘marriage’ than older Americans, and that is the case in the current poll. A majority of 18- to 29-year-olds think same-sex couples should be allowed to legally marry, while support reaches only as high as 40% among the three older age groups.”

A variety of studies also confirmed that Catholics were more likely than Protestants to support same-sex “marriage” and regular churchgoers were more likely to oppose it.

Yet, at the same time that college students have become more accepting of same-sex unions, traditional marriage has hit the skids. A Pew Research Center report released last month confirmed that barely half of adults in the nation are married—a drastic decline fueled by the postponement of marriage among college graduates—and increasing numbers of high school graduates beginning families outside of wedlock.

Editor: Even the Washington Post reported on how youthful the recent March for Life was. And it certainly is encouraging to welcome youth-oriented, youth-led organizations into the pro-life movement. But is there a crack in the foundation if the biblical principle of the sanctity of marriage is not equally upheld? Does the disconnect reflect that their convictions are rooted not on Scripture but on emotions? Is this a teachable moment?


Related: Youth and the Pro-Life Movement

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Gay editor: ‘we will teach your kids the new norms’

Gay editor: ‘we will teach your kids the new norms’ | News | The Christian Institute: Children will be taught to endorse the homosexual agenda despite the beliefs of their parents, the managing editor of a homosexual newspaper in Canada has said.

Writing in the online edition of Xtra Vancouver, Robin Perelle blasted parents with traditional beliefs saying “your outdated morals are no longer acceptable, and we will teach your kids the new norms.”

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Why it's easier to battle abortion than same-sex marriage

Speak to conservative college students and you’ll generally find enthusiastic pro-life support and deep ambivalence about — if not outright hostility to — preserving traditional marriage. Younger conservatives want to talk about life. They don’t want to talk about sexuality.

. . . The life argument is simply easier to make. You don’t have to appeal to scripture or other holy texts to argue that a child should not be dismembered in his or her mother’s womb. By contrast, marriage arguments tend to be more abstract, especially since there’s no readily identifiable “victim” of gay marriage.

. . . After more than a generation of no-fault divorce, the very concept of “traditional marriage” is seeping out of our cultural DNA, replaced, sadly, by the core conviction that marriage is no longer a covenant, but a contract — specifically a contract for the fulfillment and enjoyment of adults. Our churches not only acquiesced in this cultural change, many of them continue to facilitate it even as they argue against same-sex marriage. There are many taboos in the modern evangelical church, and one of them is “judging” anyone’s divorce.

. . . The battle over marriage, frankly, needs to broaden. We shouldn’t necessarily speak of “defending traditional marriage” when traditional marriage has already been mortally wounded by no-fault divorce. Perhaps we should instead emphasize marriage restoration over marriage defense. National Review

Related: Young People’s Attitudes Toward Abortion and Same-Sex Marriage

Sexual temptation: 3 facts every Christian should know

1. We are targeted for sexual immorality.
2. We are vulnerable to sexual immorality.
3. We are fully responsible for our moral choices.

Resources: The Purity Principle (EPM newsletter, pages 14-15)

Should parents allow their teens to have sex in their homes?

Should parents allow their teens to have sex in their homes? - Daily Dose: A Boston Globe blog with health news, advice, and information.: It’s an unwritten rule in America that teens don’t discuss their sex lives with their parents -- except, perhaps, to obtain contraception -- and that they don’t invite their boyfriends or girlfriends to sleep over in their rooms, at least when mom and dad are at home. Yet in Holland, two-thirds of Dutch teenagers ages 15 to 17 reported in a national survey that their parents allow their significant other to spend the night in their bedrooms, and girls were just as likely as boys to gain this permission.

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Faith is No. 1 reason for teens' abstinence

Baptist Press - Faith is No. 1 reason for teens' abstinence - News with a Christian Perspective: The most frequent reason teenagers give for abstaining from sex is that the behavior is against their religion or morals, according to a study released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Oct. 12. Teenagers were least likely to choose "don't want to get a sexually transmitted disease" as the reason for not having had sex.

"Adults have to decide whether teenagers are like barnyard animals, incapable of moral decision-making and at the mercy of primal urges," Richard Ross, cofounder of the True Love Waits abstinence movement, said. "Adults who tend to believe that assume all we can do is try to prevent some of the consequences of their amoral behavior."

Related: Fewer teens are having sex

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Parents beware: ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ features disturbing treatment of abortion

In a society that largely accepts abortion-on-demand, let alone abortion to save the mother’s life, the storyline comes across as strongly counter-cultural. Indeed, the book sparked fan protests over a perceived “anti-abortion” theme when it was released in 2008.

But Dr. Christine Schintgen, assistant professor of literature, argues that the pro-life angle is “superficial” and is “counter-balanced” by stronger anti-life messages that are communicated by the power of imagery.

She noted that director Bill Condon has described Breaking Dawn – Part I as a combination of romance and horror. But according to Schintgen, “There’s a way in which the fetus acts as the source of the horror.”

Schintgen emphasized that the example of Bella’s heroic act is counter-balanced by Edward’s intense efforts to coerce her into an abortion. She said Edward’s actions are a particularly strong counter-witness given that he is repeatedly held up for his “traditional” values, and served as the primary model of purity for those contending the books carry a chastity message. LifeSiteNews

Abstinence is obedience, not a lucky charm

How much success are we going to have if we say, "Kids, abstain from sex, maybe for the rest of your lives"? It sounds so much better to say, "Wait until God sends you your AWESOME partner!" that it's no wonder we succumb to the temptation.

But we shouldn't. Because it's not necessarily true. . . . [T]he "obedience will get you what you want" philosophy has a dark side. First, it puts the focus on us ("doing this will lead directly to a reward"), not on God ("this is what God wants me to do, so I'll do it"). And second, when obediencedoesn't get you what you want . . . it can lead to disillusionment and resentment.Perhaps if we were more focused on God's grace to begin with, instead of falling into a pattern of works-based thinking, envy wouldn't be such a problem. That is, we wouldn't be dealing with this fallacious notion of "Why isn't God giving me what I deserve? I did what he told me to do!"

If too many single Christians are compromising their principles and falling into sexual disobedience—and the evidence shows that this is the case—perhaps it's because so many of us were taught a lie in the first place. It was taught to us with the very best of intentions, and with the highest hopes for us … but it was a lie all the same.

What we—both teens and single adults—need from the church is better theology, a healthy dose of realism, and a little more understanding of where we are in our lives. Christianity Today

Read this article and see which pattern its advice falls into: Saved Sex


Abstinence educator Scott Phelp's talks about his program: "Our Excel program for churches & Christian schools follows the life of Joseph, and shows that by avoiding sexual temptation (Potiphar's wife) we can go on to accomplish all that God has planned for us to accomplish for him. It ends with a challenge to live with an eternal perspective, and to make your days on this earth count for eternity. It's much more than just an "abstinence" program, as it would be in a public school."

What secularism does to moral standards

If moral standards are not rooted in God, they do not objectively exist. Good and evil are no more real than "yummy" and "yucky." They are simply a matter of personal preference. Dennis Prager

Apologetics Makes a Comeback Among Youth

Apologetics Makes a Comeback Among Youth | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction: The apologetics resurgence has been sparked ultimately by teens who are asking more questions about why people believe the things they do. Those who thought that kids in a postmodern world don't want an ideology were wrong.

It's possible to overstate truth claims. Too many youth pastors and parents claim that the evidence of the Resurrection is overwhelming. But then students encounter good counter-arguments on the internet or from a professor, and the youth leaders suddenly lose credibility. To prevent this, share the other side.

Subset: Pro-life apologetics
Life Training Institute
Created Equal
GAP
Justice for All

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